候诊室，

听到名字，就能想象它的氛围-沉闷。

事实亦如此---

米黄一色的墙壁，

粉色蜡笔画的点缀，

两根方柱将房间隔断，

棕色塑料垃圾桶默默守候在旁边，

一张破旧地毯，已被人踩得分辨不清颜色，

就像镜子一样，照得人们心情复杂---

然而，

没有人可以掩饰内心紧张的情绪。

你想象不到，我坐在总候诊室，非常紧张，以至于大脑都不会思考了。钢笔在黑色本子的内页上，疯狂记录着在这间屋子里可以用来写成诗歌的每一个片段。我试图写一些关于即将进行的手术有深度洞察力的见解，却不知从何开始。

我的手在手术过后10周之内都不能提笔，就在要进入手术室的前几分钟，即使无法思考，我也要写，我用眼睛代笔，写下上面这段话。

我停下思考，抬起头，盯着那扇将主宰我命运的大门。

我将要接受腕部手术了。三年前，我被告知腕部骨折可以治愈。今年年初，我再次接受X光和核磁共振的检查，坐在那里听医生宣告检查结果。医生说之前的骨折有造成韧带和肌腱撕裂的迹象。我本可以拒绝这次手术，从此以后都不再打壁球。但这在我的人生中，拒绝从来都不是我要考虑的一个选项。

我是一名壁球运动员，我好胜的个性可以在壁球场上发挥得淋漓尽致。我人生最大的动力，就是做别人意想不到的事，而今，我将要面临的最严重的挑战，却是我所期待的。

壁球是一项能展示我最好一面的运动，壁球，乃至所有运动的美就在于我永远不会突然下跌到哪里，而是永远在挑战新高度。玩壁球必须有健康的腕部。手术能让我恢复健康，所以我的第一反应是“好啊，我愿意手术。什么时候可以结束手术，要多久我才能重新捡起壁球呢？我可以看吗？”没有人听懂我说的最后一句话，我父母，开玩笑地告诉朋友我想看着自己做手术，医生很坚定地摇摇头。我并没有开玩笑，那个手术是让我的腕部恢复健康的时刻，我应该亲眼目睹这一时刻。不管怎样，我从来没有看过一次手术，也从来没有如此着迷于这个想法，想象肌腱被缝合的那一幕，我大脑中都闪现出医生手握针线，吹着口哨，准备为我做手术的画面。可能是我潜意识里是想要亲自监督这台手术，确保每一根线都缝在正确的位置（嘿嘿，我承认，这想法有点不合理，因为我不知道用眼睛看的，是把这些肌腱缝在一起还是将其分开）。我理解医生的顾虑，他是担心我看到手术会恐慌，把手术搞砸了。但是，我依然想看。在控制这种意外来主宰我命运的伤上，我觉得我应该被颁发一个学位。不幸的是，最终，我还是不能看着手术进行，所有想法还是被整日拿着手术刀的医生扼杀了。

这时门开了，在希望和忧虑的折磨中，我抬起头。听到护士通知做手术，一位穿着羊绒衫和戴着花围巾的老妇人，朝手术室走去，她坐着轮床上，看起来很虚弱，在儿子的陪伴下，被推进手术室。当她走过我身旁的时候，我碰巧听到她说，“让我们摇滚起来！”这句话在我耳边回响，穿透过我的心脏，当我看到她消失在手术室的门后，内心在默默感谢她不经意间传递给我的勇气。她能做到，我也能做到。我是下一个做手术的人，不久，我也会躺在轮床上，被推进一个满是医生的房间里。我告诉麻醉师，尽管我的视线和手术之间隔着一层窗帘，我不想麻醉太深而睡去。手术开始时，我安心地哼着布鲁斯兄弟的歌，跟为我主刀医生Melonean打招呼。

注：壁球（squash，也称回力球）是一项室内球拍型运动。 起源于19世纪初期英国伦敦的“舰队监狱”。相对于美式壁球亦称为英式壁球。运动是由两到四个人在一个封闭式的场地进行。这个游戏的目标就是，每位参赛者必须运用场中除了天花板以外的墙壁，以网拍把弹跳的球打到墙上，使得对方无法在球弹跳1次之前击打回来，如果球在地板上弹跳超过1次，而没有用网拍击打回去，就是输了这球。

分析

文章中记录对个人来讲十分重要的时刻或个人重要经历需要特别的心思。作者必须意识到TA在营造一份真实的情感，一旦抓住读者注意力，这种吸引要贯穿文章始终。可以确信的一点，过多地描述个人细节或不必要的深奥收尾，通常是很大的忌讳。然而，“In the Waiting Room”这篇文章，作者做了很成功的尝试，很有力地俘获了读者的眼球。这篇文章，虽然没有重点，但却在其他微不足道的话题上下功夫，事实上很有见解，甚至感人。

在文章开始，作者的描述给人一种很强烈的感觉，这在其他反映个人经历的作品中很少见到。作者并没有在文章开端以一句主题性质的话马上开场，这类文章的一般做法是，在开头用叙述碎片场景的方式。直到第二段是读者才恍然大悟，明白让作者担心的事情是什么。

直到第二段作者才交代，即将要接受腕部手术-而不是沉重打击或身体检查结果让他如此焦虑。随着文章进行，作者借在候诊室等待手术的时间，介绍当时的场景，以及自己的多重身份和个性：爱好写作、壁球运动员，怯懦而坚韧的一面。总体来讲，文章是思路清晰，丝毫无炫耀夸张之嫌。

作者在叙述他的多重身份时，似乎有些偏离主题。比如关于候诊室的原创段落，像是在告诉大家，他是一位狂热的作家；还有在讲到壁球时，读者会发现，作者称自己为“壁球运动员”。在回到手术的话题前，作者花了一些时间写“运动是他的最大动力”，直到作者讲到他要目睹自己手术的过程，文章一度失去主线。因此以上列举的这些，都可以认为是在偏离文章的主题。写申请文书，作者必须清楚保证文章有清晰方向的重要性，不要过分的偏离主题。

英文原版ESSAY赏析：

ESSAY23：“In the Waiting Room”

--By Carlin E. Wing

You will not think, my mind firmly informed me; you are much too busy being nervous to think. I sat in the mother of all waiting rooms. My pen traveled frantically across the pages of my black book, recording every detail of the room in fragments that passed for poetry. I tried to write something deeply insightful about the procedure I was about to undergo but failed to produce even an opening sentence.

These were the final minutes before my hand would be separated from my pen for ten weeks. Even if I could not think, I needed to write. My eyes became my pen and I wrote:

Waiting Room

The name dictates the atmosphere

The walls, papered in printed beige,

Are dotted with pastel picture.

Two square columns interrupt the room,

Attended by brown plastic trash bins.

An undecided carpet of green, black, gray, red, blue

Mirrors the undecided feelings of the occupants.

And none of these mask the inevitable tension of the space.

I paused and lifted my head to stare at The Door that led to my fate.

My fate was to have wrist surgery. Three years before, I had been told that the fracture in my wrist would heal. Earlier this year, I was again sitting in front of X-rays and MRI results listening to the doctor say that the old fracture had been an indication that the ligaments and tendons were torn. I could have declined to have surgery and never played competitive squash again. It was never an option——

I am a jock. My competitive personality finds a safe place to release itself on a playing field. My strongest motivation is the prospect of doing what no one expects I can do. However, the hardest competition I face is that of my own expectations.

Squash allows me to put the perfectionist in me to good use. The beauty of squash, and sports in general, is that I never reach an anti-climax because there is always a higher level to reach for. Squash requires a healthy wrist. Surgery would make my wrist healthy. My immediate reaction to the doctor’s words was “Yes, I want surgery. How soon can it be done? How long until I can play squash again? Can I watch?” No one understood that last part. My parents jokingly told their friends about my desire to observe the surgery, and the doctor was adamantly opposed to the idea. But I had not been joking. It was my wrist they were going to be working on. I thought that entitled me to watch. Anyhow, I had never seen an operation and was fascinated by the idea of someone being able to sew a tendon back together. I had this image of a doctor pulling out the needle and thread and setting to work, whistling. Perhaps subconsciously I wanted to supervise the operation, to make sure that all the little pieces were sewn back into the right places (admittedly not a very rational thought since I wouldn’t know by sight if they were sewing them together or tearing them apart). I understood the doctor’s fear that I would panic and mess up the operation. Still, I wanted to watch. I felt it would give me a degree of control over this injury that had come to dominate my life without permission. Unfortunately, the final decision was not mine to make and the surgery was to go unrecorded by my eyes, lost in the memories of doctors who perform these operations daily.

The Door opened and I looked up, tingling with hope and apprehension. In response to the nurse’s call a fragile elderly lady in a cashmere sweater and flowered scarf was wheeled towards The Door by her son. As she passed me I overheard her say, “Let’s rock and roll.” The words echoed in my ears and penetrated my heart. As I watched her disappear beyond The Door, I silently thanked her for the sudden dose of courage she had unknowingly injected in me. If she could do it, I could do it. I was next and before too long I was lying on a gurney in a room filled with doctors. I told the anesthesiologist that I did not want to be put to sleep, even though a curtain hid the actual operation from my sight. I said “Hi” to Dr. Melonean, as the operation began, sang contentedly along with the Blues Brothers.

ANALYSIS

Chronicling an intimate moment or other personal experience requires particular attention and care in the essay-writing process. An author must be conscious that he or she creates an appropriate sense of balance that at once captures the reader while allowing for a sense of genuine personal reflection to show through. To be sure, the risk of turning the reader off with overly personal details or unnecessarily deep conclusions is a constant threat. However, “In the Waiting Room” reflects a successful attempt at convincing the reader that the author’s wrist surgery merits his or her attention. Although unfocused, this work demonstrates that an essay about an otherwise insignificant topic can in fact be insightful and even touching.

By establishing a strong sense of tension at the beginning of the essay, “In the Waiting Room” succeeds where other personal reflection works often falter. The author does not begin with a topic sentence or other device that states the essay’s point right away. To do so in this sort of essay would be to make the piece too much like a “what-I-did-last-summer” narrative. Instead, the reader is kept in suspense until the second paragraph of the piece of that which is causing the author’s angst.

Only then does the author spell out that it is his impending wrist surgery – and not a shot or test results – which has caused such great anxiety. As the essay continues, the author uses the occasion of waiting for the surgery to reflect on many of his complementary attributes: writer, athlete, coward and stoic. Overall, the writing is clear and unpretentious.

Yet in illustrating his multiple roles, the author tends to lose focus of the essay’s overall point. Where it seems like the author portrays himself as an avid writer from the flow of the first paragraph, the reader is surprised to learn that the author is actually a self-described “jock” who plays squash. Before returning to the topic of the operation, the author takes another moment to reflect on his motivation for participating in sports. The essay loses significant steam and regains it only with the announcement that the author hopes to observe his own surgery. While interesting independently, these complications distract from the overall point. An essayist must be aware of the need to ensure that the flow of writing maintains a definite sense of direction – and doesn’t meander too far from that path.

注：此篇ESSAY出自哈佛成功ESSAY50篇之第一版。