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神奇创新之旅从美丽衣橱开始 哈佛成功ESSAY赏析

荏苒柔木 Wed Nov 20 09:56:56 CST 2013 阅览2622 评论

我曾拥有过璀璨闪耀的过去:我曾是令人闻风丧胆的海盗,英俊潇洒的骑士,美丽善良的公主。我曾游历过很多国家,成就过很多伟业,也目睹过很多美妙绝伦的风景;但我仍是一个俗人,吃的是家里烹煮的饭菜,睡的是我自己的床褥。

你是否倍感疑惑?我的壮举都是如何造就的?还是要说说我母亲的衣橱,基本上保留着80年代人们穿着的特色:漂亮的旅游装束、一条不知名的围巾、民族服饰、陌生的说不上任何牌子的衣服等。对我而言,任何一款服装都代表着不同的身份。披上一身丝绸材质的纱裙,束上腰带,我就蜕化成了美丽自立的阿尔忒弥斯,传说中的狩猎之神;身着维多利亚式的镶花裙子,活脱脱一个英国贵族女子高贵的坐在桌边饮茶;穿上宽宽大大的格子裙又回到了现实世界,典型的农场女孩。最后我“聘请”弟弟加入我的“童话故事”中,这里没有时间、地点的束缚,可以尽情挥洒我们的想象力。我们在墨西哥边境经营着一片农场,像路易斯与克拉克远征那样在后院的陡峭山坡上开拓着每一块可以利用的土地;或者发明一架飞行器,去发现另一个银河系。围巾在我们的故事里时而是一块裹在头上的头巾,时而是一条披在肩上的披肩,时而又成为了穿在身上的纱丽。装扮在我眼里很重要,不仅仅是简单的游戏。

现在,这些“道具”就乖乖的躺在我床下的储纳盒里。当我进入中学后,就很少去碰触它们了。我的时间被大量的课业、游泳、课外活动所占据。我开启了另一种思维创作模式,把它们贯穿到学校课程中,创造了一种优于目前读书笔记或课程表的另一种艺术杰作。

在为期2周的莎翁表演训练营里,我发现表演可以理解为另一种形式的讲故事。受到这种思维模式的影响,每一次表演里,表达胜过了行头。最终,我赢得了学校举办的冬季比赛的冠军。舞台上,我不是一个即将要参加高考的亚裔美国女孩儿,而是在经济大萧条时期,一个贫穷、口吃的懒惰鬼。一想到我的世界再无任何希望可言,我就害怕的要命,我梦想着自己可以逃脱现实社会找到一个更美好的世界。

我这种不切合实际的盲目的幻想还源于我对历史学的热爱。从中我了解到每一段时期都有属于自己的时代烙印和特色,每一个地方都有属于自己的故事存在。我从古埃及、古希腊、中国唐宋时期以及现代欧洲阶段的战争、饥荒、瘟疫以及革命中都能了解到复杂的故事情节。历史中鲜明的人物性格以及精彩的戏剧过程实在是一部真实的长篇小说。如同历史上的昨天,如今故事依然在上演,现在的人们还和过去的人们一样,为了土地和资源而战。

现实版的游记可以超越书本以上,使人们真正领悟到历史。我站在长城那经过岁月沉淀的阶梯上的时候,当年攻城的一幕幕都浮现在我眼前:就在这里,中国士兵穿着难以想象的笨重的铠甲为了抵御蒙古匈奴进犯冲上冲下的身影。我肃穆的站在威斯敏斯特教堂前仿佛看到了英国历史上镌刻着英国国王与王后的墓碑。在索尔兹伯里大教堂,一位讲解员直接将我带入了英国宪章运动,我吃惊的且带着虔诚的说了一句“大宪章?”自己都觉得可笑到极点。

17岁,我要开始探索我一直梦想的另一种领域。孩时,每每好奇敲响了我内心深处掩藏的希望和激情,我会拿起一块色彩艳丽的围巾,那时感觉整个世界就在我的指尖。

ESSAY赏析

许多申请者在写ESSAY的过程中,都会遇到这种情况:课外兴趣与学术追求相结合。本文作者通过叙述自己儿时玩的装扮游戏引发了一系列的创新能量,串联了整个文章段落。

文章开头,作者以一种奇特的反差进行描写:由外而内,先写自己去过哪些地方,后又写自己的家和床。这种描写让读者一时间摸不着头脑,不清楚作者到底要表达什么。紧接着作者从细节入手,从旅游装束再到头巾、披肩,一步步带领着读者进入她的个人世界。作者通过选取服饰的颜色、纤维、材质、品味以及视野,给读者展示了她想要在文中表达的想象和创造的主题。

其实,作者的目的很单纯,就是要突出自己的性格特点“创造力”。先是让人们相信到艺术杰作再到戏剧舞台,最后是历史,作者步步设局,每一步都联系的恰到好处。

文章的关键在句末,照应开头:装扮游戏。作者是要提醒读者她是以一个单独的充满想象的时刻开始的。作者以这种收尾对应的写作模式,为这篇ESSAY画上了一个圆满的句号。

释义:

阿尔忒弥斯:罗马神话又称狄安娜,希腊神话中月亮女神的象征,又身为奥林匹斯十二主神之一。为巨蟹座的守护神。阿耳忒弥斯掌管狩猎,照顾妇女分娩,代表女性美及贞洁,保护反抗和蔑视爱神的青年男女,同时也是希腊人祭祀较多的一位神。

路易斯与克拉克远征:是美国国内首次横越大陆西抵太平洋沿岸的往返考察活动。领队为美国陆军的梅里韦瑟·路易斯上尉(Meriwether Lewis)和威廉·克拉克少尉(William Clark),该活动是由杰斐逊总统所发起。

英国宪章运动:大宪章乃封建贵族用来对抗英国国王(主要是针对当时的约翰)权力的封建权利保障协议。订立大宪章的主因是教皇、英王约翰及封建贵族对王室权力出现意见分歧。大宪章要求王室放弃部分权力,尊重司法过程,接受王权受法律的限制。

原文参考:

(17)ADRIENNE LEE—“JOURNEYS FROM THE DRESS-UP BOX”

I have had an illustrious past. I have been a pirate, a knight, and a Native American princess. I have traveled to many lands, done great deeds, and witnessed incredible sights, while still eating home-cooked meals and sleeping in my own bed.

The secret to my amazing feat? Excellent travel attire . . . a motley crew of scarves, ethnic clothing, and strange items not fashionable since the ’80s—relics from my mother’s closet. To me, every slip of cloth was a passage to a new identity. I donned a silk tunic belted with a scarf and I was Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt; a long flowery skirt and I was an English lady sitting down to tea; a too-large checkered dress and I was a peasant girl diligently tending to the farm. I eventually recruited my younger brother to participate in my elaborate stories, which were not bound by time or place. Together we operated a ranch(farm) on the Mexican frontier, explored our steep hillside backyard as Lewis and Clark, and operated a spaceship headed for another galaxy. Scarves became turbans, shawls, and saris, depending on what the story called for. Dressing up was no mere play activity to me; it was serious business.

The dress-up clothes now lie under my bed in a large storage box. Sometime during middle school I stopped taking them out. My costume-fueled adventures gave way to schoolwork, swimming, and extracurricular activities. I channeled my creative energy into school projects, producing artistic masterpieces that greatly exceeded the general guidelines of “book report” or “illustrated timeline.”

During a two-week stint in a Shakespeare performance camp, I discovered acting as a means of telling stories. Infected with the acting bug, I pursued theatrical opportunities with relish, eventually landing the lead in my school’s winter play. On the stage, I was no longer a college-bound Asian-American girl. I was a poor, tough-talking truant living in the midst of the Great Depression. I feared the hopelessness that enveloped my world, but I dreamed of escaping my rural town and finding a better life.

My imagined journeys into worlds outside my own also developed into a genuine love of studying history. I found that every time period had its great themes and fascinating events and that every place had a unique story. I devoured tales from ancient Egypt, classical Greece, medieval China, and modern Europe, with their complex plots winding through wars, famines, epidemics, and revolutions. Dynamic characters and high drama—history is truly the longest novel ever written. Today’s stories parallel those of the past; people still fight over land and resources, as they have for centuries.

Real-life travel has provided me with the opportunity to go beyond the textbook pages and actually feel history. As I climbed the time-molded steps of the Great Wall, I imagined a great siege taking place, Chinese soldiers in impossibly heavy armor running up and down the wall, warding off the Mongol invaders. I stood in awe at Westminster Abbey as I read the history of England in the engraved names of kings and queens buried there. In Salisbury Cathedral, a docentcasually directed me to an original copy of the Magna Carta and was quite amused by my astonished and reverent reaction: “the Magna Carta?”

At seventeen years of age, I have just begun to explore the places I once only dreamed of. Each moment of wonder echoes the sense of promise and excitement I had as a child, picking up a brightly colored scarf and feeling the world at my fingertips.

COMMENTARY

Many college applicants face the challenge of tying together a myriad of extracurricular interests and academic pursuits in a single essay. This author chooses to explain with childhood dress-up games how she explores her “creative energy,” crafting a consistent thread throughout the essay.

The author begins with a creative introduction with statements that clearly contradict one another: “I have traveled to many lands . . . while still eating home-cooked meals and sleeping in my own bed.” Her conflicting claims leave the reader curious to know more. Details—from “a too-large checkered dress” to “turbans, shawls, and saris”—help paint a vivid image that ushers us into the author’s world. The writer details the rich abundance of colors, fabrics, tastes, and visions she has had the privilege of partaking through dress-up, and these descriptions give the reader bites of the very imagination and creativity that the essay focuses on.

The author attempts to convey a single characteristic about herself—creativity—and makes content choices in line with this mission. Beginning with make-believe, transitioning to book reports as “artistic masterpieces,” moving to theater, and ending with history, the writer draws a strong connection between the paths she has chosen to pursue.

The key to this essay lies at its end, when the author returns to her opening: “Each moment of wonder echoes the sense of promise and excitement I had as a child, picking up a brightly colored scarf and feeling the world at my fingertips.” Here, she reminds readers that the path she has taken began with a single, imaginative moment. The author solidifies her essay as she closes the circle, creating a compelling and polished narrative arch.

—Molly M. Strauss

参考资料:50 Successful Harvard Application Essays third Edition

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